It’s August and kids are going back to school soon. This is creating a lot of anxiety for many parents who are grappling with whether or not to send their little ones back to preschool.

Let me start me start by saying there’s no right or wrong answer to this decision. For many families it’s a tough one!

Every family is in a completely unique situation. Not every parent (working and stay-at -home) can be home with their kids and have it be a beneficial and pleasant experience for everyone.

Trust your gut and do what feels right for your family.

Make the decision that is best for your family.  Don’t to second guess yourself.  Don’t listen to negative judgement for your decision.

If you are choosing to send your toddler or preschooler back to school, preschools will look very different this year and unlike anything your little one is used to.

Going back to school’s going to require schools and families to be a team and work together helping kids adjust as there’ll be many changes to policies and daily operations. These are all intended to keep children safe and healthy, while also supporting on-going learning and valuable social interactions.

Call your preschool and find out exactly what these changes are for your school community. How will the classroom look different? How will the schedule be different? What are the new rules? How will they share these changes with the kids?  What’s the plan to support and comfort children who struggle or feel anxious, sad or scared?

It’s good for you to know ahead of time the exact changes and extra precautions being taken at your school so you can begin talking to your kiddos now about school looking different and the changes they can expect.

From conversations I’ve been having with preschool directors some changes that are happening include: kids will be screened daily; drop-off and pickup times may be staggered and may happen outside and not in the classroom; parents and teachers will be required to wear masks and in some preschools teachers are wearing face shields too; hand-washing will be more frequent throughout the day; class sizes will be smaller (10 kids) and within each class children may be split into smaller groups to provide for social distancing as best as possible. This means some friends your child is familiar with at school may not be there, may be in a different group or even a different class. Toys too are being evaluated and there will be less options available.

Some of our little guys have also been out of school for several months. Covid aside, they may need extra help adjusting to being back in school and finding their groove after many moths at home.

Developing daily routines before and after school helps give kids a sense of control in their day. Kids thrive when they know what they are expected to do. Routines help create a stable environment where stress is reduced, power struggles eliminated, and kids re-adjusting to being in school, or feeling anxious about the new experience of school, feel more safe and secure starting their day.

Be consistent with your routines. Consistency brings comfort, also reduces anxiety and increasing adaptability.

Talk to your child about how they’re feeling about returning to school. What are they excited about and what they may be nervous about.

When school starts, talk about how school’s going and how they’re feeling. Be mindful to keep it an open and brief conversation, this is not an interrogation. When we feel the need to know every detail that’s more about our anxiety, not our child’s.

If your preschooler is not good at communicating his feelings, look for behavior changes in your child. Look for changes like more crying, more irritable, excessive worry, feeling sad, or changes in eating or sleeping habits. These may be signs your child is struggling.  Behavior changes will warrant a conversation with their teacher to see how they’re coping at school and how home and school can work together to support your child through this big transition back to preschool.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed or confused about starting your child back in preschool or managing the adjustment back to school, and you want a safe place to talk about your worries without feeling judged, criticized, shamed, or uneasy I can help.

Feel free to reach out to reach out to me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or call me at 949-233-0609.

Concerned about your child’s communication development?
Insider tips from a pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist

It happens frequently. A parent confides in me that they feel guilty for not getting help for their child sooner. The story often goes like this: The parent suspects a problem and raises the concern to a friend, family member, or parenting group on social media, who offers well-intentioned advice like, “don’t worry, my son/cousin/next door neighbor didn’t speak until he was four years old and just graduated from Harvard Law.” Now I, as much as the next person, love a story where the underdog goes on to show the world who is boss however, as a pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist (SLP), I cringe.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. No one has a crystal ball to know whether your child’s communication difficulty will resolve itself or be a longer-term issue. The truth is, while occasionally children do “grow out of” a speech or language problem on their own, other times they do not. While we can’t predict the future, an assessment of the potential problem will reveal whether help is warranted. The good news is, early intervention reduces the likelihood of a long-lasting impact. 

So…what’s a parent to do?

1. Trust your gut.

When it comes to your child, you are the expert. If you suspect there is a problem with your child’s communication skills, you’re usually right. Pursuing a professional evaluation is never a waste of time or money. If you learn that your child’s development is on track, you’ll rest easier having that information. If an assessment indicates your child does need support, then you’ll be empowered to get them they help they need. The sooner you obtain skilled intervention, the less “catching up” your child will have to do. 

2. Seek professional expertise

When your child has a toothache, you take her to the dentist. When it comes to concerns about your child’s communication, I encourage you to place your trust in a licensed Speech-Language Pathologist. We spend years earning a graduate degree in communication disorders, complete over 1600 hours of supervised clinical experience, and once licensed continue to build our expertise through hands on therapy and hours of continuing education each year.  It would be unrealistic to expect another professional, even a well-informed pediatrician, to possess that level of specialized knowledge.  SLPs are language development experts and therefore uniquely qualified to address concerns about your child’s communication development. Our scope of practice spans the evaluation and treatment of individuals experiencing difficulty with speech sounds (pronunciation), receptive language (understanding what is said), expressive language (formulating sentences), pragmatics (social skills), fluency (stuttering), and swallowing, to name a few.

3. Avoid being misled by confusing terminology

Milo is a 2-year-old who says about 45 words consistently. When his parents don’t know what he wants, he grunts, cries, or tantrums. Milo’s mom notices her son’s peers seem to be using many more words and even putting 2-words together.  She wonders if Milo’s communication development is on track.

A quick internet search for communication development leads her to a website such as the Mayo Clinic, which lists vocabulary milestones. She reads that by 2 years of age, the milestone is 50 spoken words. Since Milo nearly meets the milestone, his mom feels relieved and decides to wait and see how he develops rather than consult a professional.  Seems logical, right?

What Milo’s mom doesn’t realize is that while the terms milestone and average are often used interchangeably by resources and professionals alike, they actually mean two very different things.  A milestone represents what 90% of children are able to do by a certain age and is the minimal expectation of a child’s progress. On the other hand, average is what 50% of children are able to do by a certain age, therefore making it a better measure of typical development. Confusion over these terms leads many parents to believe their child’s language development is on track when in reality it might not be.

Returning to Milo’s story, the vocabulary milestone for a 2-year-old is 50 words, whereas the average child at this age uses 200-300 words. Thus, he is not only slightly behind, but rather he is performing below the bottom 10% of his same-age peers. When a child’s communication skills fall below the milestone, it's a good idea to seek a professional evaluation.

4. Gather more information

An evaluation is an assessment of your child’s communication strengths and areas of need. Vocabulary concerns are one reason you might seek an evaluation. Other reasons might include your child struggles to understand what is said (e.g. follow directions, answer questions), express messages (e.g. formulate sentences, use correct grammar), demonstrates frustration when trying to communicate, or is difficult to understand.  The results of the evaluation guide next steps. If your child’s skills appear age appropriate, nothing else may be necessary. If not, intervention will be recommended.

5. Know where to get help

Once you decide it is necessary to get your child professionaly evaluated, you may wonder where to turn. Here are some options to consider:

Regional Center (children 0-3 years):
Pro: Free or low-cost services
Con: Therapist is assigned 

Public School (3-21 years):
Pro: Free
Cons: Can take several months, child must show problems accessing education/be significantly behind same-age peers to qualify for therapy               

Health Insurance:
Pro: More economical
Cons: Can be confusing to understand coverage, may require a referral from a doctor, frequent coverage limitations, in-network providers may have long wait times, therapy often provided by Speech-Language Pathologist Assistants

Private Therapy 
Pros: More choice in therapists, convenience (typically greater flexibility in service location – teletherapy, your child’s home/daycare/private school – and scheduling), generally shorter or no wait time for evaluations, easier to get help before your child is extremely behind, no doctor’s referral or insurance approval necessary, may be covered by out-of-network benefits
Cons: Potentially more costly

When it comes to your child, you are the expert. When it comes to communication development, trust a licensed SLP to guide you. If you have questions about your child’s communication development, I’d love to help! Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to schedule a free phone consultation.  

For more information on vocabulary milestones versus averages by age, visit: www.WellSpokenTherapy.com/blog

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The truth is we can all benefit from a little support sometimes to help us become the parents we want to be.

When our child is angry, anxious or frustrated and goes from zero to a hundred in a millisecond, it’s easy for parents to feel overwhelmed.

When emotions are running rampant and our kids throw epic tantrums -screaming, kicking and hitting, it’s easy to get triggered and activated by their behavior. We feel annoyed and irritated with our child. Or it’s reasonable to feel helpless and confused, not knowing how to handle these incessant situations.

Sometimes parenting feels like it’s JUST TOO MUCH!  

You know you need help but how do you know if it’s therapy or coaching help you need? 

What’s the difference?

Conventional therapy is typically based in pathology. Therapy requires a diagnosis, and generally focuses a lot on the past. A therapist will allow time for you to retell your story and analyze your past in order to diagnose a problem, issue, or trauma that needs to be healed. Weeks, months or sometimes years of therapy will provide you with the tools and support you need to unpack your past experiences and analyze unhealthy patterns that aren’t serving you well. Therapy can help you gain insight, freedom or the forgiveness you need in order to let go of the past and move on in life in a healthier way.

Traditional therapy unquestionably has its place and can be wonderful and helpful if you’re in deep pain.

Coaching on the other hand has no diagnosis of illness and is not about painful stories from the past. Coaching focuses more on personal development and transforming lives. Coaches help clients build the skills they need to enhance their happiness, relationships, careers or business. The area of your life you are looking to improve determines the type of coach you’ll hire.  

A coach will help you design and create the results in your life you would love to have. They’ll help you identify current problematic behaviors that are holding you back and will help you modify these old non-productive patterns and behaviors and guide you toward implementing new, more effective tools, where you’re better able to move through the difficulties you’re experiencing and achieve different results - building a life, relationship, or career that is greater and better than what you had before.

Coaching is about moving forward and investing in you and your self-development Hands down the best investment there is to be made!

When it comes to parenting this means reflecting on our own behaviors and being willing to grow ourselves as we’re raising our children.

Parent Coaching should be tailored to each individual family. I help empower parents to make changes by providing personalized support, education, strategies and encouragement. Coaching with me parents learn and understand their triggers and behaviors and they get to fully know and understand their child’s triggers and the reasons behind their behaviors. It’s important for me to help parents recognize why their child behaves the way they do and how to respond effectively.

With new knowledge and understanding my work is to guide parents in loving their children unconditionally and parenting them more carefully, thoughtfully and deliberately through all the different stages of early child development.

More than anything I want my clients to be able to show up as the parent you want to be, and I want your whole family to reap the benefits of your good parenting.

There unquestionably is some cross over between therapy and coaching and the two can work very well together.  Although I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, I no longer provide mental health therapy. When coaching if I feel something in a parent’s past is preventing them from functioning well in their life today, I make a recommendation for therapy and advise them in getting the additional help and support needed.

If you want to learn more about how I can help you, or if you want to schedule a free phone conversation to see if my coaching is right for your family, please email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Your child’s potential is limitless. Their success begins with you.

Your parenting counts!

The longer we’re dealing with this coronavirus pandemic and the uncertainty, unpredictability, and instability that comes with it, the more our feelings are being heightened. Parents and kids, even out little ones, who haven’t seen friends in weeks, are experiencing more tension and more stress.

Parents are arguing. Children are acting out. Families are struggling.

Parents are reaching out to me every day for coaching because they’re feeling so overwhelmed with school’s closed, kid’s bored, working from home, homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, and managing the home.

Parents are unsure how to discuss the coronavirus with their children, how to deal with their own anxiety, how to reassure their kids, and how to stay rooted in routines, set boundaries, and stay consistent with their parenting.

There’s a lot of information we’re navigating and a huge amount we’re juggling. It’s not easy!

So … when we can’t change our situation, we have to find ways to better cope with the situation.

We all approach stressful situations differently and it’s helpful to have a collection of tools, strategies, and styles of coping that help us better adapt, adjust, endure, and get by.

Here are six coping styles that may be helpful for you to know about as we continue navigating Covid-19.

Is there a coping style (or two) in this list that resonate with you?

1. Belief. When we’re oriented toward belief, and look to find meaning in stressful circumstances, we develop an inner strength and a coping resource that helps us find order, focus and direction in times of uncertainty. Believing and finding meaning is a buffer against stress, helps us cope and is a powerful way to put things into perspective.

2. Affect means being aware of what we’re feeling and feeling our feelings. When we can’t change the circumstances or difficult circumstances are prolonged and on-going, facing our emotions, accepting them, and leaning into our feelings, rather than ignoring them, avoiding them, or denying them, helps us cope, feel better, and tolerate our distress.

3. Seeking social connection and support from friends and family is a coping resource. Talking about stressful events with supportive people is an effective way to manage stress. Self-isolating and internalizing the stress is maladaptive and unhealthy, increasing the negative effects of a difficult situation.

4. Creativity and Imagination let’s our bodies and minds unwind. It provides us with an outlet to express ourselves and to express our feelings. Creativity also gives us an opportunity to connect to ourselves. Cooking, gardening, dancing, drawing, and writing are fantastic ways to relax, reconnect with yourself, and cope.

5. Cognitive Coping means gathering information to try and better understand your stressful circumstances as a way to cope. With Covid-19 there’s a lot of information to take in and too much information can have the opposite effect and leave you confused and more stressed. Limit the amount of time you spend gathering information, reading articles, searching the internet, or listening to the news. Also consider the source of your information. What you hear from well-meaning family and friends may not be accurate or helpful. Make sure you’re obtaining information from reliable sources only.

6. Physical Activity is a healthy stress release. Getting your body moving increases the production of endorphins, your brain’s feel-good chemical. Physical activity reduces stress, calms your body and brain, and improves your mood.

Which coping style resonates with you? Keep in mind there isn’t only one way to proceed. It’s up to you to decide which type of coping skill is going to work best for you. And it may be different to the coping styles your spouse or even your kids will use to cope.

Dealing with the prolonged stressors of the coronavirus isn’t easy and it’s taking a toll on many of us. The challenges we’re face during this pandemic aren’t ones we’ve encountered before. You don’t need to solve them alone! Please don’t hesitate to ask for the help you need. Help can come from family members, supportive friends with a good listening ear, or from a mental health professional.

If I can be of help to you and your family sorting through your parenting challenges, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Guest post by Kimberly Didrikson of Learning Motherhood

The landscape and expectation of juggling kids at home while working is new to most. Maybe you were working at home fulltime or had a flex schedule but for the majority of us that meant you also had childcare. Childcare was a requirement in order to keep that flex schedule or have the opportunity to work from home. As someone that works with working families my suggestion is always to have childcare and back up childcare but that was then and this is now. 

 It is doable to work and be home with the kids but it does require some planning, flexibility, and lowering of expectations. We are going to provide some tips to help support making the adjustment to this new normal and still get work accomplish.

 First if you are currently required to go into an office and or visit customers please talk to your boss about the fact that you feel unsafe for you and your family. Hopefully based on this concern the conversation of accommodations like working from home if possible begins to be a part of the dialog.

Here are 15 tips to make sure you can maximize your time should you need to propose this to your boss or if you are already trying to make this work what can help you through navigating this new reality. We are breaking this down based on dual parents working from home or solo parenting and working from home.

DUAL PARENTS WORKING FROM HOME WITH NO CHILDCARE

 1)   Have a discussion with your partner about each of your work schedules and what one another’s priorities looks like. Ex. If you need a two hour block to work on a project that has a deadline talk about when that will work for your partner to be in charge of the kids.

 2)   Share calendars and designate one color code for the blocks of time where each one of you will be watching your children. If you can I would make the times you are watching the kids unavailable on your calendar to avoid a conference call being scheduled for you to attend. If your children end up having independent play while you are with them you can always engage via your phone if need be.  

 3)   Mark the times on your calendar when you will be available so other parts of the organization know that this is a good time to get in touch with you to schedule meetings or conference calls.

 4)   Make sure you review the schedule with your partner each evening should things changed throughout the day you are able to adjust the calendar.

 5)   We recommend that you give each other at least one to two hour blocks to avoid the  feeling of starting and stopping so much. 

 6)   Communicate with your team each day and direct manager the approximate scheduled times you will be working. Indicate this may fluctuate daily based on both your schedule and your partners but you will do your best to accommodate anything that comes up. This will allow them to know that you have a goal of focused times of the day when you will be engaged. 

 7)   Talk about your work space with your partner. Are you sharing a desk? Is there a designated space for you to both work uninterrupted? Make sure that you and your partner are able to communicate to your kids that during the times you are watching them they are not to disturb the other parent unless the other parent is okay with them entering the room.

SOLO PARENTING AND WORKING FROM HOME WITH NO CHILDCARE

1)   Put together a schedule where you are able to identify times throughout the day where you will be able to fit in work. Ex. Morning before kids wake up, evenings when they go to bed, nap times, independent play times, and screen time. Do not beat yourself up about screen time you are doing the best you can and with everything going on this should be one last thing you have to worry about.

 2)   Set the expectations with your team and boss that you are going to do the best you can but be clear that these are your circumstances. Provide the schedule that you have put together to fit in work requirements.

 3)   Conference calls that you have to attend with children in tow are tough. There is no shame in sharing that you want to be on this call as you are committed to the discussion but your children are with you so you are muting but listening and will engage when need be. This is the situation we are in and everyone should be very understanding of this.

4)   If you have an infant with organized sleep nap times are a great time to get work in. If you have an infant that is not in organized sleep baby wearing and stroller walks are a perfect opportunity to get emails and calls in. Fresh air will do wonders for the both of you.

 5)   Block out your calendar with times you believe you are available. This will allow you to define your day versus panicking on when you will be able to get things done. Share the times you think you will be available with your team and direct manager each day. Babies and toddlers are unpredictable so share that. Inform them you are working from home alone with no childcare so if something comes up where you can’t make the proposed call that you committed to or be online you will let the requested parties know as soon as I can get back online to receive the meeting notes. Again indicating you’re committed to working during this time and the work will get done.

 6)   Working at night and if possible in the morning before the kids wake up will most likely be a part of your day. If you can get dressed there is a lot of research that says that it helps on productive stand point but if you can’t make it happen and end up in sweats all day so be it you did your best. 

Please visit Learning Motherhood at www.learningotherhood.com to learn more about their classes and ways they are supporting mom’s returning to work after maternity leave.

Successful parenting starts with a safe and respectful relationship between parenting partners. Healthy communication is a key element of that relationship.

Of all the environmental influences on our children’s development, the family, (which begins with our relationship with our parenting partner to set the tone), arguably has the most profound impact on our children’s development.

When parenting relationships models respect for one another and our little ones see us being supportive of each other, and we enjoy being together, we create a stable, loving, and positive home environment for our kids to develop, learn, explore and grow.

I know we all come to our parenting journey or move along our parenting journey with varied relationship stressors and some parenting teams are more like dueling partners, making cooperation and communication difficult, and parenting politely and respectfully hard.

Bottom line, how you show up in your parenting relationship matters a lot because constant conflict between parents harms our children.

When I coach with parents, more important to me than each partner’s parenting styles (unless there’s abuse involved) I’m first looking to see how the parents sitting across from me view each other and if they are able to have a respectful, productive and supportive conversation around parenting and their parenting struggles. 

Navigating the parenting world is not easy. We want to be good parents but some of us may not be good communicators and problems arise.  

When you’re able to communicate effectively the rest will work itself out. Here are four essential parenting tips to help your communication flow:

1. Clarity is about saying exactly what you mean. Many disagreements arise when we aren’t clear about our requests, our timeline, and our needs. You could say, “I will get the snacks and diaper bag ready. Can you please help me by getting Mikey dressed for the park with sunscreen and his hat on.”
2. Keep your focus. Remember the reason for your communication and stay focused on your child. Certain conversations may need you to stay focused on the current event needing discussion. If this is the case it’s not the time to re-hash past problems or situations and how they were handled. Other conversations may specifically need to address something from the past to clear the air and move forward. Keep focused on what is needed with a particular conversation.
3. Keep calm. I know it’s hard – really hard, but try not to jump to conclusions or over-react. Blaming, criticizing or accusing your partner is never helpful. Neither is being rude, sarcastic or placing demands on your parenting partner. Be mindful of your tone and your words
4. Cooperation and Compassion. There’ll for sure be times when you or your partner make a mistake, feel overwhelmed, or need some help. Your partner may need additional support from you and this is the time to step up with compassion. Compassion helps set a positive tone for your communication, your relationship and your parenting results.

As parents we want to do what’s best for our children. We don’t want to do harm and so we need to be communicating and sharing information effectively on a regular and ongoing basis.

If you relate to any of this information and want to learn more about how I can help you, or if you want to schedule a free phone conversation to see if my coaching is right for your family, please email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

Follow me on Facebook at heartofconnecting or on Instagram @heartofconnecting

Your child’s potential is limitless. Their success begins with you.
Your parenting counts!

Punish less, connect more and set the stage for academic success

This interview was written by contributing writer Jenna Jones and published in the February 2020 issue of OC Family Magazine.

As the stresses of modern parenting sometimes spin into chaos, it can be difficult to sort through the chaos of parental philosophies about discipline and punishment.

From coloring on walls and hitting siblings, children are likely daily misbehave in surprising and frustrating ways. Managing that misbehavior has evolved in recent years, most notably with the philosophy of positive discipline. Instead of yelling, spanking or even giving timeouts, positive discipline encourages parents to seek connection, empathy and solutions with their children.

Based on the work of two Austrian psychologists in the 1920s and made famous in the U.S. by Dr. Jane Nelson during the past three decades, positive discipline hinges on mutual respect between parent and child.

Although scientific research is limited, there is evidence that the tenets of positive discipline can have beneficial effects: a sense of belonging and connection at home and school, increased academic performance and decreased socially risky behavior in children, according to a 1997 study by the University of Minnesota.

To dig deeper into the philosophy and tools of positive discipline, we sat down with Hayley Goldberg, Newport Beach parenting coach and family therapist. (This interview has been edited for clarity and length.)

OCF: How do you define positive discipline?

Goldberg: Positive discipline is about teaching, coaching, and guiding our kids through childhood. It’s a long-term approach to parenting where we consider who we want our kids to become as adults- what life skills and characteristics we would like them to have.

OCF: What is the positive discipline approach to punishment?

Goldberg: Positive discipline talks about being kind and firm. That doesn’t mean we don’t have limits and boundaries, we do. Kids thrive when they know the limits and boundaries and our expectations for them are clear. It means that there will be consequences for certain behaviors if consequences are necessary. Consequences are not the goal of positive discipline. This is sometimes hard for parents to understand. Positive discipline talks about a misbehaving child being a discouraged child. Constant consequences or punishment create discouragement.

OCF: How does traditional punishment affect children and their development?

Goldberg: Traditional punishment is anything that involves shame, pain, blame, fear, force, or threat to get children to obey. This includes things like yelling, spanking, threatening, timeouts and taking away privileges. It’s really hard to raise kids who’ll become adults with positive life skills and characteristics like self-discipline, self-confidence, healthy self-esteem, problem-solving skills – adults who are happy and have good communication skills- when we rely heavily on punishment to raise our kids.

OCF: What are some of the most effective positive discipline techniques?

Goldberg: Positive discipline techniques should meet five key criteria. First be kind and firm at the same time. Second, help children feel a sense of belonging and significance. Third, focus on the long-term effects. Fourth, teach children valuable social and life skills. Lastly, invite children to discover how capable they are and to use their power constructively.

OCF: What is the positive discipline stance on timeouts?

Goldberg: Rather than sending kids to a timeout when they have their big emotions, positive discipline looks to create a safe cooldown space where kids can go to calm down. Going to the cooldown space is not about punishment but purely a space to calm down and can include things that would help your child feel better. Children under the age of 4 don’t understand cause and effect, so timeout makes no sense for changing their behavior.

OCF: How do parents start using positive discipline?

Goldberg: Start small. It can be confusing to try new strategies. Pick one behavior you’d like to change or one skill you’d like to teach. Select one or two strategies you’re going to use to accomplish your goal, give it a try, and be consistent, sticking with it. If you find yourself struggling to parent differently or you’re more confused than clear about what you’re supposed to be doing, reach out for help from a parenting coach who understands positive discipline and can help you implement the new techniques and keep you on track and moving forward.

If you’re right in the thick of it dealing with misbehavior, I hope you have found this post helpful.

If you’re at your wits end with your child’s behavior don’t hesitate to get in touch and we can see if I might be able to help.

Always remember children are individuals and there’s no one size fit’s all to parenting. It’s important to find the parenting that works best for you and your family.

You can email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Connect with me on Facebook or on Instagram @heartofconnecting

Your child’s potential is limitless. Their success begins with you.

We love and adore our children!  

We’re committed to raising them to be respectful and to behave appropriately.  We want the best for them.  We have hopes and dreams for their futures. We wish for them to be happy, live a full life, dream big and follow their dreams.

And so we spend hour after hour scouring the internet for the best parenting books and expert advice to help us with our parenting.

What we find is there’s plenty parenting information out there with a confusing mix of advice, most of which is focused specifically on a child’s behavior.

There are books that focus on parents taking charge, being in control, demanding respect and directing our kid’s lives.

On the flip side, many books emphasize a more liberal, open-minded and free approach to parenting.

What approach is best?

Is one of the approaches wrong?

And then there’s the issue of where do you focus your attention and how do you implement these strategies in your home with your kids?

And at the end of a long and busy day, how do you make sense of all this confusion? How should you approach your parenting?

For me, what rises to the surface of every parenting conversation I have is, are you connecting with your little one and are you building an empathetic and reciprocal relationship with them?

Our relationships matter more than any authority, consequences, external measures of control, or any indulgent, lax, easy-going or free parenting style.

Simply put, your internal state of mind and your state of heart – how you think about and feel toward your little ones in any given moment or situation has the greatest influence over time of how your kids will turn out.

Here are my best parenting tips for love based parenting.

Be present in the moment. When you’re in the present moment you’re able to be more fully attuned to your child and their needs. Staying continually mindful of your child’s wellbeing and focusing on the needs of your child in the moment (emotional, physical and relational) should be your parenting focal point. This is true even when (especially when) your little one is misbehaving. This is when they need your love and judgement free parenting the most.

Get into their space.
Little kids spend a lot of their time playing. We should be there too! Get into your child’s world pretending, playing games, building forts, and crawling through tunnels. Act silly. Little ones will love it when you make funny faces, sing silly songs or do goofy dances. Let go of the embarrassment- have fun and really connect with your kiddo!

Let go of traditional measures.
Kids change their behavior when they feel loved and accepted. When we get back to the basic and return to unconditionally loving our kids, no fancy charts, stickers, and reward systems, we see positive results.

Stay focused on the relationship and the experience not the outcome.
The parent-child bond doesn’t just happen. It takes mindful and intentional effort. When you’re more concerned about your child’s behavior and tasks not being done, or your request being ignored, and your focus is on getting your child to comply, you’ve stepped out of the empathetic connected relationship with your child and moved away from love based parenting.  No chores and no behavior are more important than your parent-child relationship. That means respecting the needs of your child , validating their feelings and responding with love in all the moments – the loving moments and moments of difficulty or defiance. Later, when everyone is calm we can talk about the behavior and solutions for next time.

Parenting is a big job and when you’re pushed to the edge and not feeling loving toward your child, love based parenting is the hardest thing to do. It takes effort to manage your anger, look at where your child is at emotionally, connect with them and meet them there so you can more easily respond in a way that is respectful and helpful. It takes practice for sure.

Remember, Love is always an option and love is the best option. Your parenting counts!

If you’re right in the thick of it dealing with your child’s behavior, I hope you’ve found this post helpful.

If you’re at your wits end with your child’s behavior and don’t know how to move forward don’t hesitate to get in touch and we can see if I might be able to help.

Always remember your children are individuals and there’s no one size fits all to parenting. It’s important to find the parenting that works best for you and your family.

Please contact me to schedule a free phone conversation to see if my coaching is right for you and your family.
You can email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Connect with me on Facebook or on Instagram @heartofconnecting
Your child’s potential is limitless. Their success begins with you.

Play is fun there’s no doubt about that.

Play is also about learning and it’s something children do naturally to learn about their world, about life, about being a friend, being in a family, being a daughter or a son.

When your children are interacting with others, they’re learning a myriad of social skills too–how to get along with others, give and take, sharing, taking turns, compromise, cooperation and negotiation.

They’re also learning what interests them, they’re learning decision making skills and they’re learning emotional regulation.

Play is an inborn drive in your children. Dr. Peter Gray, psychologist, researcher, and author on the topic of play states, “social play makes children happy, and its absence makes them unhappy.”

We’re social beings and getting along with others, family and friends, is what makes for a happier life.  There is no more compelling reason than this to make sure we give our children access and time with us, their siblings, cousins and friends, to just play.

And there’s no better time than the holidays for playing. We gather together with family and friends. We have the time off work. Kids are off school.

So how can you encourage and support happy and healthy play this holiday season?

Make time for play. As parents you make the plans, you create the schedule. Make sure there is as much downtime as possible for play.

Your participation.  When playing with your child let them take the lead. Let your kids come up with the ideas of what to play and how to play. This is true even when playing with your toddlers and preschoolers. Relax, be interested, tap into your own playful instincts and enjoy the activities they choose.

Create a play space. Create a safe space where your kids are free to play and explore as they wish. Fill the space with games, crafts, and open-ended materials that can be used in different ways. Encourage your children to use their imagination.

Encourage mistakes. Let your children play ‘their way’. As adults it’s hard for us not to take over. We feel like we know the best way to do things and how to avoid mistakes. Let mistakes be part of the process. There’s a lot of value in a conversation following a mistake for reevaluating, and problem-solving.

Step back for play with others. Your children know how to play so trust them to do it! Give your little ones the time. space, freedom and permission they need to explore their world through playing alone, with siblings, cousins and friends. Support their play as needed, but also let the kids be.

Play should be enjoyable for everyone. When its no longer fun teach your kids that is the time to stop or change it up. They’ll need to decide what to do next. Is it time for another game or some independent time playing alone? Keeping going when it’s not fun is a recipe for disaster. Your toddlers and preschoolers may need your guidance here.

Besides the fact your children want to play, play is a powerful teaching and learning tool. Time spent having fun and playing with your kids and your kids playing with family is the best way to connect, strengthen relationships, and make fun memories.

More than that, (as if that’s not reason and benefit enough for play)providing your kids with ample opportunities for play this holiday season will provide so much more than fun and bonding. Play will allow them to relax and let off steam – and we could all use that this busy holiday time. Could playing more be your secret too for less stress and more relax?

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed, confused, or frustrated with parenting or your kids behavior and you want a safe place to talk about your challenges without feeling judged or criticized, I can help.

Contact me to schedule a free phone conversation to see if my coaching is right for you and your family. You can email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Connect with me on Facebook or on Instagram @heartofconnecting

Your child’s potential is limitless. Their success begins with you.

Your parenting counts!

Thanksgiving is quickly approaching and with it the start of the holiday season. It’s a time brimming with excitement for many families.

We’re looking forward to celebrating and being surrounded with our caring circle of family and good friends. There are substantial conversations happening - we’re considering the logistics of the holiday events and ironing out all the details – whose hosting, who is coming and what to cook?

And then there’s probably some hefty conversations happening around the gifts!

Whether it’s Thanksgiving or celebrating Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza or another traditional holiday, with the holidays we are creating memories of a lifetime. So yes, the logistics are important and there should definitely be significant and meaningful thought around the giving of gifts.

But before you plan the party and decide who to invite, think about what you want the holidays to mean. What’s important? What’s purposeful and relevant to your family today?

In our fast paced world a lot of times we stick with traditions we learned as a child and we go on with those traditions whether they feel meaningful and worthwhile to us or not in our lives today.

Because the holidays period provides us with an unbelievable opportunity to absolutely impact our kids and form change in our lives and theirs,

it’s definitely a time for introspection. We have the freedom to be reflective and contemplate what may be more meaningful to us and our families now.

Our celebrations then become the opportunity for us to make revisions and leverage the new customs, culture and practices we want to create.

I’m not saying you need to do a complete about-face to your current traditions. We’re not looking to upset the entire family on the holidays and overthrow our heritage. Sometimes we are beholden to a few past traditions. Maybe with reflection you come to the decision that your family traditions are still relevant and worthwhile - and that’s perfectly ok.  

Should you decide there’s place for change this holiday season the transformations you want to make should be a symbol of who you are and what’s meaningful to you. And the change can be gradual.

Some questions to consider as you look at your traditions and celebrations through a lens of wanting to transform them and wanting to create something new or different for your family– or loving what you already have and letting well enough be.

1. Why are we celebrating this holiday?
2. What are my current values and priorities? Do our traditions support my values and priorities?
3. Are our traditions and celebrations adding value to our lives?
4. Which traditions am I beholden to?
5. If I had a ‘signature stamp’ for how I’d like to celebrate, what would it be? How would it look? What would I like it to reveal about me?
6. Can I put a signature stamp on our current celebrations?
7. Will trying new traditions bring positive emotions?
8. Will trying new traditions keep the channels open to encourage future traditions?

As parents we have the ability to create family experiences that are focused more on meaning and gratitude rather than overwhelm and stress.

It starts with family and it’s being with our loved ones that make the holidays special. However you choose to celebrate and whatever your traditions, I wish you a holiday season where you feel more peaceful, content, and connected as a family.

If you’re looking for a safe, non judgmental place to ask your parenting questions or just want to talk about normal everyday things with your kids that annoy you please email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and we can schedule a free 30 minute conversation.

Connect with me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/HeartOfConnecting/

or on Instagram @heartofconnecting

Your child’s potential is limitless. Their success begins with you.

Your parenting counts!