Childhood is the foundation of life. It is a magical time of innocence and wonder and a time for children to explore life with eyes wide open. As parents, we are blessed with the gift of nurturing and caring for our kids. We have the crucial job of teaching good habits and helping them learn the difference between right and wrong. How we teach and what meaningful life lessons and knowledge we choose to impart to our children guide how our children’s lives will develop, the adults they will become, and in time, how our children will come to influence others.

Have you thought about what you want to pass down to your children? What life lessons taught to you by family, friends, and life itself have resonated with you? What connections, meaning and purpose do you want to foster in your children and what contributions do you want them to make in their lives? Here are the life messages that are important to me. That is not to say I have perfectly mastered everything. These are the thoughts that reflect who I am and I try as much as possible to be a living example of what I hope to teach my children about life through these guiding thoughts.

Live simply. Try to detach from the materialistic stuff and focus on being more present in the moment. Don’t clutter your life with things. Be mindful of unnecessary stress, trivial matters, and constantly worrying what other people think.
Be thankful. Enjoy the good things, and remember to be thankful for the average things in life because daily life is mostly about the average.
Cherish family and friends. These are the important people in your life who matter the most. Take care of them, make time for them, and take pride in these relationships.
Have Goals. If you want to live a happy life embrace your passions and have goals that you nurture, work on and pursue. Do your best, don’t give up, and believe in yourself enough to know you have the power to reach your goals even when the path seems long and tangled.
Say please and thank-you and be kind. Being kind means being considerate of everyone. One positive interaction can change someone’s whole day and others deserve your respect. Manners don’t cost money.
Help others. We are all in this life together and you never know when you will need help. When you are in a position to help, do what you can. Even small gestures of help make a difference.

Raising a family today in a society that is fast paced, always changing, and full of external influences is challenging. We need to be certain of the direction we are taking when deciding which values are important to teach and when showing our children how to live life in a way that matters and has meaning. Your children will take their cues from you. The best way to teach values to your children is to be a living example of what you teach. Mean what you say and teach what comes from your heart. Your parenting counts!

August and September mark the start of a new school year. For some this comes with great excitement and joy, but for others it means uncertainty, fear and lots of tears – for both parents and kids. Whether it is a new milestone of starting preschool, heading on to kindergarten, or moving to a different classroom with new teachers and friends, change comes with anticipation. For children the main source of anxiety is not knowing what to expect. For parents we worry about the safety, group care, and happiness of our children while we are not there.

Although it is difficult, it’s important to remember that separation anxiety is a normal part of child development. It is natural for young children to feel anxious when you say goodbye. With empathy, understanding, and the coping strategies listed below you and your child can relieve some of the separation anxiety and enjoy an easier and more successful start to the new school year.

Practice Separation. If your child is starting preschool soon start to leave them with a caregiver for brief periods of time. This can include a babysitter or dropping them off at a friend’s home for a time while you leave to go run some errands. To be more successful do not leave your toddler or preschooler for the first time when they are hungry or tired.
Talk about school starting. It’s healthy for children to talk about their feelings. They do not benefit from “not thinking about it.” Read books about starting school. Let your children ask questions. Be empathetic about their feelings but also remind your child gently that they will be safe and well cared for when you are not there.
Get the teacher involved. In order to ease your child’s transition into their new classroom it is helpful for the teacher to know some information about your child. Share with your child’s teacher about their eating, sleeping and toileting habits. Share information about what games they like to play, songs they like to sing, and what techniques you use at home to calm your child down when they are upset or anxious. Develop a team approach with your child’s teacher.
Develop a “good-bye” ritual. Rituals are reassuring for kids as it helps your child know what to expect. They can be as simple as a wave through the window, a special hug, kiss, or a handshake. Begin this ritual now before school starts so it is familiar and comfortable to your child when you drop them off at school. Consistency is the key.
Bring a familiar object. Let your child bring a little reminder of home. This can be anything that brings comfort and happiness to your child – a favorite toy, a blankie, or a family photo. Comfort objects can provide a real sense of security when children are in an unfamiliar environment.
Leave without fanfare but don’t sneak away. Tell your child you are leaving and that you will return. Children feel more afraid if you suddenly disappear while they are distracted from you. Reassure your child that he or she will be just fine. Keep your goodbye short and sweet then go- don’t stall. Setting these limits will help your little one with the adjustment and provide for an easier separation as the days go on.
Keep positive and calm during the separation. Children pick up on your mood. If you are nervous, anxious, or worried your child will pick up on this. If your child’s sees that you are positive and calm, you provide them with the opportunity to be calm too.

Remember, starting school is a positive milestone for you and your child. For some kids a complete and successful transition can take months. If your child has a bad first reaction to starting preschool, kindergarten, or starting a new school year, develop a team approach with your child’s teacher. Work together to help make school a positive part of your child’s new routine.

How we label and describe our children makes a difference in how our children ultimately come to think about themselves. Labels have much more of an impact than we realize because our words carry a lot of weight. As children grow and develop labels become a self-fulfilling prophecy as children internalize what we say, own the label, and repeat the message as their life long inner self-talk. As labels come to define how children view and think about themselves they also directly impact children’s developing self-confidence and self-esteem.

It goes without saying that negative labels have a negative impact on children’s personal development. But labels not only define how children view and think about themselves they also strongly influence our parenting behavior. Negative labels color and cloud how we see our children. The negative language, name calling, or sarcasm that you may use to describe your child or their behavior directs the way we parent and influences us toward more negative actions toward our children. When we label children as being “a Brat”, “Nasty”, “Lazy” or “Manipulative”, these negative thoughts and labels direct us away from positive and mindful parenting and push us toward punishment. Punishment will never lead us to positive solutions and will continue to affect a child’s less-than-desirable behavior. Continued use of punishment over time will disconnect you from your child as it begins to shift the emotional relationship you have with your child. Negative labels influence our thoughts and feelings and absolutely make it more difficult for us to respond appropriately and effectively to our children and their misbehavior. Negative labels also push us to see our children’s behavior as willful and intentional when in fact the misbehavior may be due to circumstances or lagging skills. This is especially true for toddlers and preschoolers who are still learning and need to be taught appropriate behavior expectations.

Problems also arise when we engage in positive labeling of children. While positive labels have the advantage of moving us away from harsh parenting and allow us to be more emotionally available to our children, problems can still arise. When we label children as “the Academic”, “the Athlete”, “the Budding Artist”, or “the Social Butterfly”, while none of these labels have negative connotations they pigeon-hole children into predefined boxes that are limiting. Kids may feel that they are not allowed to, or capable of, altering or expanding the identities that have been assigned to them. Positive labels also create pressure for children to maintain their given status and they feel the need to always measure up to their label or identity so as not to disappoint.

We need to be mindful how we talk about children. As adults, we like the convenience of neatly packaged words that can sum up our children. Labels help us know what we are dealing with and are an easy way to let others know what they can expect from a child. For best parenting practice we should never slap descriptive tags on children. We should never label our kids as anything. Even harmless labels can play a lasting role in parenting, self-esteem, behavior and long-term personality. We need to eliminate labels from our parenting vocabulary. We need to create a positive internal narrative when we think about our children. We need to encourage children’s health and happiness and separate our children from their behaviors because behavior is much easier to change than labels which become embedded and eventually seen as truth.

Young children tend to live in the moment and are ruled by their impulses and their immediate desires and feelings. It is hard for them to delay gratification, exercise control and decide what is an appropriate response before speaking or acting. Part of child development is the ability to focus attention and for children to learn to manage their thinking and behavior. Self-regulation is the increasing ability for a child to manage their emotions and begin to express a range of feelings in constructive rather than impulsive or hurtful ways. Many adults could use some extra support in this area too.

These self-regulation or emotional regulation skills are critical to success in relationships, school, work, and life. Improved emotional regulation leads to happier, more satisfying social interactions with friends, better academic performance, stronger problem-solving skills, higher levels of self-worth, fewer behavior problems, and a decreased risk of mental health pathology. The earlier we help children to develop their regulation skills the sooner they can begin to experience success.

Supporting toddlers and preschoolers in developing self-regulation skills begins in the home with parents they trust and who provide a loving, caring and stable environment. With this strong foundation in place, here are six parenting tools for helping children develop their emotional-regulation.

1. Children begin to learn these skills when they have predictable daily routines and schedules. Where possible keep schedules like getting ready in the morning, mealtimes, and bedtime consistent. Develop routines within these daily events to help support the experience (like the order of the bedtime routine or where the family eat their meals and how mealtimes are handled).

2. Teach and talk about feelings. Children need to know that feelings are mentionable and manageable – when children talk about their feelings they can begin to manage their big emotions. As children get older help them identify and name a wide range of different emotions they may feel. For younger children, you can start with the basic feelings of happy, sad, mad, scared, and angry.

3. Make sure your behavior expectations are clear and you review your expectations regularly. Children need to know and understand what is expected from them. We cannot assume they know how we want them to behave.

4. Stay calm and firm in your voice and actions when your child is out of control. Staying calm allows you to build trust and model the calm behavior you are wanting from your child.

5. Role play and practice with children how to act and what to say in different situations.

6. Reinforce children when they engage in calm and appropriate behavior. Descriptive praise works best as it gives children valuable feedback about their behavior. You could say, “I like how you stayed calm and asked Tyler for the toy back after he grabbed it from you. High five for having a calm body.”

Emotional regulation is related to temperament and brain maturation and takes time to develop. Young children develop this ability in small steps and some toddlers and preschoolers require more time and support than others in developing this skill. As parents this requires us to be patient, have realistic expectations as skills are developing, and to keep teaching. We cannot punish children for skills they do not have – we need to teach the skills as often as our children need us to teach. Your parenting counts!